Misery
by My.Heart.Is.Diamond.Hard
Summary: This is a song fic about Spikes feelings about Buffy, the ending is a bit wierd so if you have any better ideas for the end please review. It is based loosely on the song MISERY by Maroon 5, Rated T, Spuffy.


_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BTVS OR THE SONG 'MISERY' BY MAROON FIVE, I only do in my dreams, where I'm rich and famous and... going off topic, so on with the story... ** _

_Oh yeah_  
><em>Oh yeah<em>

_So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend_  
><em>And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send<em>

Spike treds carefully around Buffy's house taking a photo from there, an earring from here a sweater from her dresser. Spike handles these items with care to add them to his growing collection of Buffy memorabilia, A shrine, proof of his unconditional and unrequited love. Spike sighs as he lays the items next to the hundreds of other Buffy items because he knows this is the closest he will ever get to Buffy.

_Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem_  
><em>You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be<em>  
><em>So let me be, and I'll set you free<em>

Spike cry's at In the morning, unnoticed by Buffy or anyone else, after she leaves visibly disgusted with him and everything to do with him. After Buffy seduces him and throws him away like an object, nothing like a person with feelings, more like Buffy believes the illusion of an unbreakable, unfeeling, Spike, only one personality contained within a body with three. There is demon Spike a monster, the one Buffy sees, there is regulator Spike, the compromiser and adviser, just bad enough but capable of feeling the scorching love for Buffy. Then there is William, Spike is only a shell for the William underneath, Spike may say 'Bloody hell' but he is still thinking words like 'effulgent' and 'pulchritudinous'. He covers it up with cocky remarks and arrogant smiles. No one would guess the burning inside of every time Buffy discards him, or the tears that leak out of red eyes in the early morning breaking Spike just a bit more. Only Buffy could make him feel such love, or pain.

_I am in misery_  
><em>There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah<em>  
><em>Why won't you answer me?<em>  
><em>The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah<em>

Spike lies there, he cherishes these moments, the moments before Buffy wakes up and he can believe that she really loved him. But dreams are shattered when reality comes knocking at the door. These are the moments Spike dreads when Buffy stares at the ceiling before telling him everything was a mistake, that she regrets everything. Eventually so does Spike, because every time he gets a centimeter closer he gets pushed a mile away, Buffy avoids Spike until she needs him again, unaware of the internal damage she was creating every single time she shared with Spike. She can run back to her friends but Spike is left alone, with nobody to release his poisonous feelings to. Spike dreads coming back to his crypt in the morning, for fear of loneliness and isolation.

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>Now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get you back<em>

Spike sits on the floor, finally realizing that he was an item to Buffy and will never be more if he didn't to anything. Spike thinks, words are scrawled on paper, already written words are collected. Explanations and conclusions to all of the times Spike hurt her and confused thoughts spilled onto milky white paper, Why did she chose him? Why did she leave? How could he prove the difference between obsession and love? Spike didn't know, he decided to finally be there instead of another guy just waiting for an angel like Buffy. Spike knew that someone else would snap her up if it wasn't him and he likes the latter rather than the former.

_Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine_  
><em>The way it feels to be completely intertwined<em>  
><em>Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know<em>  
><em>It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show<em>

_So let me be, and I'll set you free_

Spike sits on the porch steps listening to Buffy explaining her day, he sits there for almost half the night ignoring his rumbling stomach and need for sleep. Perfectly blissful just listening to the sound of Buffy's voice and feeling happy at the fact that Buffy is finally trusting him. Of course when Buffy went inside she was shocked at how much she could share with Spike. She looked outside at Spike still sitting in the porch steps, she knew she could love him and did she just couldn't ever show him, If he ever saw a chance he would never give up.

_I am in misery_  
><em>And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah<em>  
><em>Why won't you answer me?<em>  
><em>The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah<em>

Spike knew that it might not work but he had to try, he had to let go of the fantasies and robots and try to gain the trust and love of reality's Buffy. He knew that reality's Buffy would never tell him that she forgave him or would ever kiss him goodbye in the morning but he just wanted a bit more than the shell. Yes, Spike would finally get All of Buffy, not just the skin but the thoughts and plans that make Buffy different than the other millions of girls out there who could satisfy Spike. Buffy was the only one who could bring a bad day to the equivalent of one in heaven for Spike or make Spike truly content.

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>And now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>Now I'm gonna get you back<em>

_You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken_  
><em>You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun<em>  
><em>I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you<em>  
><em>I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam<em>

Spike recalls his talk with Buffy yesterday, how unsure and confused she was about where her life was going. Spike lies in his stone and waits for the sun to go down, Spike misses her, he wants to tell her that no matter what she does she will conquer and he will be proud. He would be proud of Buffy if she drew a picture with crayons, he would be proud if she slayed a single vampire, he is proud of the woman she has become, he is proud of what a trooper she is, he is proud of how selfless she is, he is proud of all of the rules she keeps even though she doesn't follow any of them, he is proud of Buffy.

_Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?_  
><em>Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?<em>  
><em>Why do you do what you do to me yeah?<em>  
><em>Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?<em>

_I am in misery_  
><em>And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah<em>  
><em>Why won't you answer me?<em>  
><em>The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah<em>

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>And now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get you back<em>

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>And now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get you back<em>

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>And now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get you back<em>

_Girl you really got me bad_  
><em>You really got me bad<em>  
><em>Now I'm gonna get you back<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get you back<em>

Years later William left for work, he turned around to receive his morning paper\coffee\kiss form his still beautiful wife. "Wrinkles work on you darling, I will see you after work for Noah's party, turning 7, amazing age!" Buffy rolls her eyes as she listens to her husband "We have to be at the club by 6:00 on Tuesday don't f y to say those word's yet he knew that she dis love him as unconditionally as he did all those years ago. orget!" William smiles "I won't, now I have to go, I love you!" "I know that you do William, have a good day" William grinned to himself on his way to work, even though Buffy wasn't ready to say those words just yet he knew that she did and eventually she would say those three magic word that he so ached to hear...

_"I love you..."_

**Please review! Anything goes!**

**-The Queen Of Hearts **


End file.
